I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
