flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
