I'm going to jail i love you
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
