The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Randomize
