epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
