I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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