I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Randomize
