Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
it glows. i had to have it.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
