Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
