Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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