Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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