I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
