seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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