Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
