Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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