it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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