Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
