I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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