Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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