you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
