well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize