All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
