I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
