note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
