I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
