That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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