Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
