If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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