OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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