Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
