You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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