how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
