I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize