i wish starbucks made bloody marys
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
