but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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