Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
