apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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