I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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