I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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