I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
