I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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