You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize