Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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