WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The uberlube is also flammable
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Randomize
