I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
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