my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
