Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
