So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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