Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
