His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
