good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
