you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
