i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
