I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
