she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
