btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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