I just pynch a tree in the face
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
