I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
