i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
