you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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