haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
