Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
