your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
