I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
