he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I forget how to act sober
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
