I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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