i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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