my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
