she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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