I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
