I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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